


Hot steamy kinky kitchen appliances

by Tsunhimesama



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, M/M, Other, aot - Freeform, appliance au, seriously this was a joke, snk, the dumbest thing you will ever read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 01:22:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1586495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsunhimesama/pseuds/Tsunhimesama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was written as a joke for tumblr user Captain-Mirandalion and i have decided to post it on here in hopes that you will also find it both hilarious and maybe just the slightest bit eroitic. Yes, this is an snk appliance Au, inspired by a tumblr prompt about toaster Marco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hot steamy kinky kitchen appliances

It was mid-morning, Friday, late October. The morning air was more than a bit chilly as Eren slowly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pulled the soft comforter over his head, mumbling in protest against the chill. He knew if he lied there much longer he would just wind up sleeping all day and although he didn’t hate the idea, he had to work the afternoon shift at the local coffee shop. So instead of waiting till the last minute and storming into work, he opted to enjoy his morning. Eren swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled on a large sweater and made his way out of his room and into the apartment’s small, yet surprisingly open, kitchen. 

Eren grabbed the haphazardly tossed bag of bread off the counter and pulled out two soft pieces. He shoved them into the toaster, and pulled down on the lever. Marco, shocked, whirred to life as he began to feel the heat grow inside him. Marco could already feel the color forming in his cheeks due to the invasion of the soft slices stuffed in his slots and nervously looked over at Jean. The microwave, Jean, was thankfully still asleep, otherwise Marco would have been devastated if Jean had seen him getting all hot and bothered over the foreign slices the young man had carelessly shoved into him. He didn’t want to like it, his heart belonged to Jean alone, but he couldn’t stifle his growing excitement as his metal grids pushed into the now crisping bread. He felt the heat burn inside him and he knew he wouldn’t be able to contain himself much longer and with another quick glance at Jean’s dreamy face, he lost control and the half toasted bread burst out of him. 

“Oh god dammit, stupid thing never works right.” Eren grumbled to himself as he forced the toaster’s lever down a second time. Oh god, Marco didn’t know how he was going to be able to handle this. Just then, as he felt that familiar heat rising in him again, still not recovered from the last time, Marco watched as Eren stuffed a breakfast sandwich into Jean, effectively waking the grumpy microwave from his slumber. Oh god, no, why!? The toaster thought to himself as he began to blush uncontrollably. It was bad enough Eren used him whenever he wanted but he absolutely hated when Jean had to watch. But it wasn’t like it was a one-way street; Jean was being used as well. As Marco began to feel his climax come on, the bread now getting to the point of being burned, he watched as Jean, still half asleep, began to heat up. He made a soft “huuunnnn” noise as the sandwich spun inside of him. Marco couldn’t help but be turned on; he hated the way they were used, but god if he didn’t love watching Jean get all worked up like this, unable to control the soft moans coming from inside him. 

Jean finally fully opened his eyes as he became aware of what was happening, he looked up at the toaster and tried to question him between soft gasps and moans. “M-marco, what… I—uhh hnn—are you—aahhh, oh!” Just then, watching Jean beep loudly as he reached his limit, Marco felt himself succumb to his desires and the now burnt toast shot out of him once more. 

“Jean, I-I’m sorry I couldn’t help it, I—“ Marco stammered, trying to recover from his climax, but Jean cut him off. “Don’t apologize Marco, its okay. It’s just our job. I know it doesn’t mean anything and besides, you’re so cute when you’re blushing like that.” Jean said giving his boyfriend a weak smile. 

While this little spectacle was going on, on the other side of the kitchen Eren was trying to get his caffeine fix. He pulled the petite mug out of the cabinet and stuck it under the opening of his Keurig, Mikasa. 

“Morning, Mikasa.” Annie said, anticipating what would happen after Eren turned her on. Annie wished she could do that, she wished she could press all the right buttons on Mikasa, and fill her up with a fresh pack of pre-ground coffee before making her ooze that sweet drink before she returned to her senses. She knew Mikasa didn’t see her that way, that she just wanted to be friends with the little mug. Annie knew it was selfish of her to take sure delight in being filled up by Mikasa every day, but it was the one thing she loved most in the world. 

Annie felt Mikasa give a shudder as Eren stuffed the little plastic cup into her and he began teasing her buttons, picking exactly the options he wanted. Annie wished that Eren wasn’t such a cheap bastard and would buy those 2-stage latte packs again. That was probably the best week of her life. Getting to lie under Mikasa as she poured sweet hot foam into her and then topped it off with delicious coffee, mixing the bitter and sweet inside her, then being emptied all too quickly as Eren downed the drink. She knew it was irrational, but Mikasa was hers, and so was anything and everything that came out of her. She was just glad she got to be the first one to taste it, to be filled up by it, before it was stolen from her by the greedy brunette. 

Mikasa began to pant and spurt, giving little moans as the hot water began to push its way through the grounds, soaking Annie in bitter delight. “At-a-girl, that’s it Mikasa you’re doing so well.” Annie sighed, encouraging Mikasa to continue. The coffee maker kept letting out little moans and spurts here and there as the rest of the hot liquid began to fill Annie up. They stayed like that for a while, not caring who saw. Annie only ever felt whole when she was poised under Mikasa like this, even if the coffee maker didn’t return her affections, she was just glad for the time they had together each morning. 

Eren added a little creamer to the piping hot mug and lifted it to his lips, he was still too tired to realize that the coffee would probably singe his tongue for the rest of the day, or maybe it was that he just didn’t care. 

“Put me down you bastard, I’m not ready yet!” Annie grumbled, knowing her efforts were useless, Eren couldn’t hear her.

“Eren, wait, it’s… it’s too hot, you’ll—“ Mikasa tried to warn, her voice thick and eyes hooded, lost in the bliss of the act. 

”Oi, you two brats know he can’t hear you. Stop making so much damn noise some of us are trying to sleep.” Levi piped up. 

“Sleep all you want old man, you’ll never be able to wash away those bags under your eyes.” Annie shot at the dishwasher, still angry at the fact that Eren was stealing the sweet liquid Mikasa had emptied into her. 

“Tch” Was the only response she got as Levi rolled his eyes and went back to sleep.

Eren opened the fridge, placing the creamer back on the top shelf and grabbing the carton of eggs, lazily kicking the door shut. Bertold gave a loud “ooph!” as the sudden force woke him from his slumber. He was just happy Eren didn’t hold him open for too long, letting all the cold air escape out of him as he would just emptily stare at his exposed shelves, knowing damn well he wasn’t going to cook anything that Jean couldn’t heat up in less than five minutes. Eren bent down low in front of Levi, who was more than appreciative of the view, as he grabbed a pan from the bottom cabinet. Eren did have a nice ass after all, especially when he was in nothing but boxers, and despite himself Levi began to feel his cheeks flush. Although he made a point to get it under control before any of the other appliances could notice. 

Eren placed the pan on top of Reiner and began fiddling with his dial to start him up. Unlike Jean and Marco, who were always so embarrassed about their public displays, Reiner was considerably more open about it and absolutely loved to give Bertold a show. Who, in turn, loved to watch the oven go at it. Of course, he wished it was his hands twisting Reiner’s nobs back and forth, trying to get his flame to catch, but watching the oven was as close as he would ever get. 

“Morning handsome,” Reiner crooned at Bertold, slowly licking his lips and giving the fridge a wink. Bertold just smiled at him, sitting back and watching as the oven got worked over. Eren kept fiddling with the nobs on the stove and even though Reiner would give a sensuous click, click, click, for Bertold’s sake, the flame would never catch. It wasn’t going to be that easy to get him all hot and bothered; he wasn’t as easy to handle as the toaster. 

Eren, becoming more and more aggravated that half his appliances decided not to work properly this morning, left the burner on as he reached for the matches in the top left drawer. He turned the heat down to medium and struck a match, bringing it near Reiner’s burner and finally getting the damn stove to light.

“Sorry honey, looks like he’s not willing to work for it today.” Reiner said, giving Bertold a defeated sigh. 

“I really wish you guys would get a fucking room,” quipped the dishwasher, speaking much more than usual this dreary morning.

“Something up your ass today?” Reiner glared down at Levi, not quiet awake enough to deal with his shit.

“Just sick of all you horny brats making so much fucking noise so god damn early in the morning.” Levi spat back. 

“It’s 11 a.m.,” Bertold reminded him; in the most calming voice he could manage. He hated it when anyone fought. It was a small kitchen and it was best to try and keep the peace.

By now, Eren had retrieved the breakfast sandwich from inside Jean, and was scarfing it down while he lazily attended to the eggs. He gave one look at the toast he had managed to burn and just tossed it in the trash. He knew he wasn’t going to pay enough attention to it the second time and didn’t feel like wasting any more bread that morning. He took careful sips from the mug, careful not to burn himself again, and leaned up against Levi. The dishwasher might have protested if it had been anyone else but he really was fond of the brat’s backside. Eren finished cooking the eggs, scooped them onto a plate, and made his way into the living room to finish the rest of his breakfast. 

Sometime later, after only half listening to the news that happened to be on TV and scrolling through his dash on his phone, Eren made his way to the kitchen, morning dishes in hand. He sighed at the full sink, cursing himself for being too lazy to do the dished the night before. Now the sink was too full to just add this morning’s mess to the pile and ignore it till he got home from work, which was his usual routine. The brunette popped open the old dishwasher, who smiled to himself in anticipation, and started the faucet.

It wasn’t often that Eren paid any attention to the poor dishwasher; he wasn’t exactly the cleanliest of people. But now that he was finally scrubbing the left over residue off of the dishes that had been sitting in the sink for about three days now, Levi felt his jets twitch in anticipation. Eren began haphazardly placing the dishing in Levi, one by one. Levi was always pleasantly surprised that Eren had a method to his madness. He started with the cups and mugs, placing each one carefully on Levi’s top rack. And the dishwasher sighed as he felt himself slowly getting filled up. Fucking brat, always waiting so damn long to clean up after yourself. Always stuffing me so god damn full I have to work twice as hard just to get all your damn dishes clean. Ugh, haven’t you ever heard of a fucking pre-soak? Probably not, you’re lucky I’m top of the line, filthy brat. Levi thought to himself. He wished Eren could hear the words, he imagined that he would blush and sputter jumbled nonsense as Levi teased him. Dirty talk was the only form of ‘dirt’ that Levi actually enjoyed. 

With the right half of the sink emptied, Levi’s top rack was now full; soaking wet bowls, mugs, and cups dripping their dirty, sudsy water inside of him, waiting to be sanitized. Eren began working on the bigger objects now and Levi was thankful that the boy gave him time to adjust and prepare himself. Now that he was more than turned on and soaking wet, he was ready to be filled once more. Eren started with the dinner plates, stuffing one after another into Levi’s bottom rack, pushing each one up against the corners of him, making as much room as possible. Levi began to give small grunts as each new dish was shoved into him. He heard the mixer giggle. 

“Fuck off Hanji,” Levi shot at the mixer, trying his best to keep his town even and only mildly threatening. He liked the mixer, even if she was fucking crazy.

“Oh Levi, don’t pretend like you don’t love it. I can see the need in your eyes.” Hanji smirked at him. 

“The brat always waits so god damn long. It can’t be healthy to let that much filth pile up. Disgusting.” Levi said in the most bored tone he could manage. 

Hanji just hummed at him, knowing better than to egg him on. That’s probably why he was so fond of the mixer; she was one of the few appliances in the kitchen that didn’t make a point of pissing him off. 

Eren finished loading the awkward Tupperware into the dishwasher, having to rearrange it more than a few times to get it all to fit. Of course, that was Levi’s favorite part. He lived for the way Eren’s soft wet hands would plunge in and out of him, fidgeting with the dishes that pushed up against his walls in all the right ways, listening to Eren give the occasional frustrated grunt. He was stuffed now, full to bursting with dripping dishes and silverware, waiting as Eren squirted the detergent into his compartments, filling him the slippery goo. Eren closed the washer and pressed the ‘start’ button. 

Although it wasn’t nearly as sensual or satisfying as being filled up by Eren’s strong hands, Levi still liked this process. He enjoyed the feeling of his jets whirring inside him as he was filled with hot water. After the rinse cycle, his compartments would pop open and let Eren’s soap ooze into him, bubbling and cleaning the boy’s filthy dishes once again. It was relaxing and Levi hummed to himself as he went through the cycles. 

It was early afternoon by now; Eren usually took this time to sit out on his balcony and just appreciate the scenery. The afternoon sun still hadn’t burned away the clouds that rolled in from the night before, so today Eren though it would be nice to enjoy a hot drink while he relaxed before work. He made his way over to the yellow kettle resting on the stove and Armin gave a small “Oh!” as he felt his lid being popped open. Eren placed the kettle under the faucet and filled it up about half way with water before placing it back on the stove top. 

Bertold’s eyes narrowed and he smiled; looks like he was getting two shows today, how lucky. Reiner teased his lip and gazed dreamily at the fridge, as Eren began fiddling with his nobs once more. Click, click, click. Click, click, click. “Ugh,” Eren groaned. Reiner began to give small moans after each set of clicks, being a little louder than necessary. The dishwasher didn’t protest this time, as he was content to get lost in his wash cycle. Bertold began to hum pleasantly as he watched Reiner getting worked over for the second time that day. 

Reiner began to feel a familiar tension build in him and with one last click, click, click, his flame finally caught. Eren turned the burner on high and walked to the living room to grab a magazine off the coffee table that sat in the middle of the room. Armin, the kettle, began to feel Reiner’s flames tenderly lick against his bottom and after a while he started to let out small whimpers. The blonde felt the water inside him slowly begin to heat and bubble as Reiner’s flame teased him, making him hotter and hotter. 

“Aaahh, hhnnnn!” Armin let out soft gasps despite himself, growing ever louder, as he felt the heat build inside of him.

“Hehe, good boy Armin, don’t hold back, let it all out.” Reiner crooned up at him. Armin was too flustered by now to give him any kind of response, his head was swimming, lost in the feel of the bubbles bounding inside of him. He was filling up with steam and the pressure was growing. He was so hot and he couldn’t stifle the moans he was giving now. Just a little longer, the blonde thought to himself as he tried to hold back his screams. Reiner gave him another small lick with his flames and Armin couldn’t hold himself back anymore. The screaming orgasm tore from his throat as the steam shot out of him. 

“Aaaaaaaahhh!!” The sound of Armin’s cries filled the kitchen, but thankfully Eren ran back in to extinguish the flame that burned him in all the right ways. Eren opened the blonde’s lid, releasing some of the tension that had built inside him, and poured the boiling hot water into a new mug. He gently returned the kettle to his resting place on the stove, grabbed a tea bag out of the cabinet, and made his way out of the kitchen and onto the balcony. The brunette sat peacefully, enjoying the chill of the air and the warmth of his tea and sighed to himself. He wished he could just stay like this all day, lazily watching the cars go by. He really hated work.

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed the dumbest thing I've ever written. It sure was an strange adventure but I'm happy with the way it turned out. If you would like to see future shenanigans you can follow me on tumblr at tsunhimesama (: thanks for reading!


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